{"id":2364,"date":"2001-11-02T12:36:35","date_gmt":"2001-11-02T11:36:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heiniger-net.ch\/?p=2364"},"modified":"2001-11-02T12:36:35","modified_gmt":"2001-11-02T11:36:35","slug":"willkommen-im-internet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/archives\/2364\/willkommen-im-internet\/","title":{"rendered":"Willkommen im Internet"},"content":{"rendered":"

No one here likes you.<\/em>
\nWe\u2019re going to offend, insult, abuse, and belit\u00adtle the liv\u00ading hell out of you. And when you rail against us with \u201cFUCK<\/span> YOU<\/span> YOU<\/span> GEEK<\/span> WIMP<\/span> SKATER<\/span> GOTH<\/span> LOSER<\/span> PUNK<\/span> FAG<\/span> BITCH<\/span>!1!!\u201d, we smile to our\u00adselves. We laugh at you because you don\u2019t get it. Then we turn up the heat, hop\u00ading to draw more enter\u00adtain\u00adment from your irra\u00adtional fuming.<\/p>\n

We will judge you, and we will find you unwor\u00adthy. It is a tri\u00adal by fire, and we won\u2019t even think about turn\u00ading down the flames until you final\u00adly understand.<\/p>\n

Some of you are smart enough to real\u00adize that, when you go online, it\u2019s like enter\u00ading a for\u00adeign coun\u00adtry \u2026 and you know bet\u00adter than to igno\u00adrant\u00adly fuck with the locals. You take the time to lis\u00adten and think before speak\u00ading. You learn, and by learn\u00ading are glad\u00adly welcomed.<\/p>\n

For some of you, it takes a while, then one day it all dawns on you \u2014 you get it, and are wel\u00adcomed into the fold.<\/p>\n

Some of you give up, and we breathe a sigh of relief \u2014 we did\u00adn\u2019t want you here any\u00adway. And some of you just nev\u00ader get it. The offen\u00adsive\u00adly clue\u00adless have a spe\u00adcial place in our hearts \u2014 as objects of ridicule. We don\u2019t like you, but we do love you.
\nYou will get mad. You will tell us to go to hell, and call us \u201cnerds\u201d and \u201cgeeks\u201d. Don\u2019t bother\u2026we already know exact\u00adly what we are. And, much like the way hard\u00adcore rap has co-opt\u00aded the word \u201cnig\u00adger\u201d, turn\u00ading an insult around on itself to become a semi\u00adse\u00adri\u00adous badge of hon\u00ador, so have we done.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>How dare you! I used to beat the crap out of punks like you in high school\/college!\u201d You may have owned the play\u00ading field because you were an ath\u00adlete. You may have owned the stu\u00addent coun\u00adcil because you were more pop\u00adu\u00adlar. You may have owned the hall\u00adways and side\u00adwalks because you were big and intim\u00adi\u00addat\u00ading. Well, wel\u00adcome to our world.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Things like ath\u00adleti\u00adcism, pop\u00adu\u00adlar\u00adi\u00adty, and phys\u00adi\u00adcal prowess mean noth\u00ading here. We place no val\u00adue on them \u2026 or what car you dri\u00adve, the size of your bank account, what you do for a liv\u00ading or where you went to school.<\/p>\n

Allow us to intro\u00adduce you to the con\u00adcept of a \u201cmer\u00adi\u00adtoc\u00adra\u00adcy\u201d \u2014 the clos\u00adest thing to a form of self-gov\u00adern\u00adment we have. In The Unit\u00aded Mer\u00adi\u00adto\u00adcrat\u00adic Nation-states of the Inter\u00adnet, those who can do, rule. Those who wish to rule, learn. Every\u00adone else watch\u00ades from the stands.<\/p>\n

You may pos\u00adsess every\u00adthing in the off-line world. We don\u2019t care. You come to the Inter\u00adnet pen\u00adni\u00adless, lack\u00ading the only thing of real val\u00adue here: knowledge.
\n\u201cWho cares? The Inter\u00adnet isn\u2019t real any\u00adway!\u201d This atti\u00adtude is uni\u00adver\u00adsal\u00adly unac\u00adcept\u00adable. The Inter\u00adnet is real. Real peo\u00adple live behind those han\u00addles and screen names. Real machines allow it to exist. It\u2019s real enough to change gov\u00adern\u00adment pol\u00adi\u00adcy, real enough to feed the world\u2019s hun\u00adgry, and even, for some of us, real enough to earn us a pay\u00adcheck. Using your own def\u00adi\u00adn\u00adi\u00adtion, how \u201creal\u201d is your job? Your stock port\u00adfo\u00adlio? Your polit\u00adi\u00adcal par\u00adty? What is the mean\u00ading of \u201creal\u201d, anyway?<\/p>\n

Do I sound arro\u00adgant? Sure\u2026to you. Because you prob\u00ada\u00adbly don\u2019t get it yet.
\nIf you insist on stay\u00ading, then, at the very least, fol\u00adlow this advice:<\/p>\n

1)<\/strong> No one, ESPECIALLY<\/span> YOU<\/span>, will make any law respect\u00ading an estab\u00adlish\u00adment of reli\u00adgion, or pro\u00adhibit\u00ading the free exer\u00adcise there\u00adof; or abridg\u00ading the free\u00addom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the peo\u00adple peace\u00adably to assem\u00adble, and to peti\u00adtion the gov\u00adern\u00adment for a redress of grievances.
\n2)<\/strong> Use your brain before ever putting fin\u00adgers to keys.
\n3)<\/strong> Do you want a pic\u00adture of you get\u00adting anal\u00adly raped by Bill Clin\u00adton while you\u2019re per\u00adform\u00ading oral sex on a cow saved to hun\u00addreds of thou\u00adsands of peo\u00adple\u2019s hard dri\u00adves? No? Then don\u2019t put your fuck\u00ading pic\u00adture on the Inter\u00adnet. We can, will, and prob\u00ada\u00adbly already HAVE<\/span> altered it in awful ways. Expect it to show up on an equal\u00adly offen\u00adsive website.
\n4)<\/strong> Real\u00adize that you are nev\u00ader, EVER<\/span> going to get that, or any oth\u00ader, offen\u00adsive web page tak\u00aden down. Those of us who run those sites LIVE<\/span> to piss off peo\u00adple like you. Those of us who don\u2019t run those sites some\u00adtimes vis\u00adit them just to read the hatemail from fools like you.
\n5)<\/strong> Oh, you say you\u2019re going to a lawyer? Be pre\u00adpared for us to gig\u00adgle with girl\u00adish delight, and for your lawyer to laugh in your face after he explains cur\u00adrent copy\u00adright and par\u00ado\u00addy law.
\n6)<\/strong> The Web is not the Inter\u00adnet. Stop refer\u00adring to it that way.
\n7)<\/strong> We have already received the e\u2011mail you are about to for\u00adward to us. Shut up.
\n8)<\/strong> Don\u2019t reply to spam. You are not going to be \u201cunsub\u00adscribed\u201d.
\n9)<\/strong> Don\u2019t ever use the term \u201ccyber\u00adspace\u201d (only William Gib\u00adson gets to say that, and even he has\u00adn\u2019t real\u00adly used it for two or three books now). Like\u00adwise, you prove your\u00adself a mar\u00adket\u00ading-hype vic\u00adtim if you ever use the term \u201csurf\u00ading\u201d.
\n10)<\/strong> With one or two notable excep\u00adtions, chat rooms will not get you laid.
\n11)<\/strong> It\u2019s a hoax, not a virus warning.
\n12)<\/strong> The Inter\u00adnet is made up of thou\u00adsands of com\u00adput\u00aders, all con\u00adnect\u00aded but owned by dif\u00adfer\u00adent peo\u00adple. Learn how to use your<\/em> com\u00adput\u00ader before attempt\u00ading to con\u00adnect it to some\u00adone else\u2019s.
\n13)<\/strong> The first per\u00adson who offers to help you is real\u00adly just try\u00ading to fuck with you for enter\u00adtain\u00adment. So is the sec\u00adond. And the third. And me.
\n14)<\/strong> Nev\u00ader insult some\u00adone who\u2019s been active in any group longer than you have. You may as well paint a damn\u2019 tar\u00adget on your back.
\n15)<\/strong> Nev\u00ader get com\u00adfort\u00adable and arro\u00adgant behind your sup\u00adposed mask of anonymi\u00adty. Don\u2019t be sur\u00adprised when your name, address, and home phone num\u00adber get thrown back in your smug face. Hell, some of us will snail-mail you a print\u00aded satel\u00adlite pho\u00adto\u00adgraph of your house to dri\u00adve the point home. Real\u00adize that you are pow\u00ader\u00adless if this happens\u2026it\u2019s all pub\u00adlic infor\u00adma\u00adtion, and infor\u00adma\u00adtion is our stock in trade.
\n16)<\/strong> No one thinks you are as cool as you think you are.
\n17)<\/strong> You aren\u2019t going to win any argu\u00adment that you start.
\n18)<\/strong> If you\u2019re on AOL<\/span>, don\u2019t wor\u00adry about any\u00adthing I\u2019ve said here. You\u2019re already a fuck\u00ading laugh\u00ading\u00adstock, and there\u2019s no hope for you.
\n19)<\/strong> If you can\u2019t take a joke, imme\u00addi\u00adate\u00adly sell your com\u00adput\u00ader to some\u00adone who can. RIGHT<\/span> NOW<\/span>.
\nPissed off? It\u2019s the TRUTH<\/span>, not these words, that hurts your feel\u00adings. Don\u2019t ever even pre\u00adtend like I\u2019ve gone &<\/span> hurt them.
\nWe don\u2019t like you. We don\u2019t want you here. We nev\u00ader will. Save us all the trou\u00adble and go away.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013Robert \u201cred\u00adpaw\u201d Jung, edi\u00adtor, web\u00admas\u00adter, and tech\u00admon\u00adkey of deeplight.net<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No one here likes you. We\u2019re going to offend, insult, abuse, and belit\u00adtle the liv\u00ading hell out of you. And when you rail against us with \u201cFUCK<\/span> YOU<\/span> YOU<\/span> GEEK<\/span> WIMP<\/span> SKATER<\/span> GOTH<\/span> LOSER<\/span> PUNK<\/span> FAG<\/span> BITCH<\/span>!1!!\u201d, we smile to our\u00adselves. \u2026<\/span> Con\u00adtin\u00adue reading \u2192<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"iawp_total_views":6,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2364","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blogroll","category-computer"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2364","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2364"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2364\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}