{"id":81,"date":"2002-07-03T06:00:00","date_gmt":"1969-12-31T22:59:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heiniger-net.ch\/blog\/archives\/81"},"modified":"2002-07-03T06:00:00","modified_gmt":"1969-12-31T22:59:59","slug":"is-mikal-the-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/archives\/81\/is-mikal-the-one\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Mikal the one?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n
<\/td>\nInshi\u00adrah hat am 3\/7\/2002 gefragt:<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\nIs Mikal the one?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\nDaniel_heiniger hat am 3\/7\/2002 geantwortet<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\nAbsolute\u00adly! No doubt!
\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\nInshi\u00adrah hat am 5\/7\/2002 gefragt:<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\nI like your answer, but what are bas\u00ading that answer on?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\nDaniel_heiniger hat am 6\/7\/2002 geantwortet<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\nI don\u2019t know if I real\u00adly want to go into this. My first reac\u00adtion to your ques\u00adtion is that this must be a joke, and whence my answer \u2014 its a joke too. What am I sup\u00adposed to base an answer on? You don\u2019t give me any\u00adthing to work with. I am not a magician.
\n
\nIf you have a real ques\u00adtion that you want a real answer to, then tell me more about your\u00adself, about Mikal and about the sit\u00adu\u00ada\u00adtion between the two of you. I can only work with infor\u00adma\u00adtion you give me. But I *can* give you some good advice on rela\u00adtion\u00adship issues based on my psy\u00adcho\u00adlog\u00adi\u00adcal expe\u00adri\u00adence, com\u00admon sense and the life I went through myself.
\n\n


\nGreetings
\n
\n\u2014 Daniel
\n<\/p><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n
<\/a>\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\nInshi\u00adrah hat am 6\/7\/2002 gefragt:<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\nYou are fun\u00adny. Well, we met online about 5 months ago. He was sep\u00ada\u00adrat\u00aded at the time. We hit it off imme\u00addi\u00adate\u00adly. We start\u00aded com\u00admu\u00adni\u00adcat\u00ading every\u00adday. We talked via email and phone. We even talked mar\u00adriage. Recent\u00adly, his wife showed up and want\u00aded a rec\u00adon\u00adcil\u00adi\u00ada\u00adtion. He has 4 chil\u00addren by her. The old\u00adest 18, the youngest 6. Any\u00adway, out of a sense of loy\u00adal\u00adty, he returned to the sit\u00adu\u00ada\u00adtion. He says he does not love his wife. She says now she is ready to be the kind of wife he wants and needs. She was also obese and said now she is ready to lose weight and take care of her\u00adself so that she can be a good wife. I haven\u2019t heard from him since that time. That was a month ago. Is she real\u00adly mak\u00ading him hap\u00adpy or will he return to me? My birth\u00addate 10\u201311-47. His is 8\u201322-61.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\nDaniel_heiniger hat am 9\/7\/2002 geantwortet<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\nOkay, I\u2019ll take back my orig\u00adi\u00adnal state\u00adment and turn around to say: \u201cabsolute\u00adly not!\u201d.
\n
\n\u201cold habits die hard\u201d, as the say\u00ading goes, and, in this con\u00adtext, this means that it is much hard\u00ader to break exist\u00ading rela\u00adtion\u00adships than cre\u00adate new ones. Even if it may seem oth\u00ader\u00adwise. It is eas\u00adi\u00ader to stay in a rela\u00adtion\u00adship for a num\u00adber of rea\u00adsons: these two peo\u00adple know each oth\u00ader well, they know each oth\u00aders faults and virtues, they know what to expect and what not. they trust each oth\u00ader. They have chil\u00addren together.
\n\n


\nFor you, of course, this is a very dif\u00adfi\u00adcult sit\u00adu\u00ada\u00adtion. Actu\u00adal\u00adly, you can\u2019t do much but wait and see. You don\u2019t real\u00adly have a moral right to him as could be said in oth\u00ader cir\u00adcum\u00adstances. It is rather his chil\u00addren that have a right to him. And I guess he feels that as a responsibility.
\n<\/p>\n


\nWhether she makes him hap\u00adpy or not is besides the point: He may have decid\u00aded that his duties in that rela\u00adtion\u00adship haven\u2019t been ful\u00adfilled yet. And then, hap\u00adpi\u00adness is noth\u00ading that one per\u00adson \u201cgives\u201d anoth\u00ader. It is more a state of mind. There\u00adfore a per\u00adson\u00adal decision.
\n<\/p>\n


\nNow you may feel used. And prob\u00ada\u00adbly you are. But don\u2019t take it per\u00adson\u00adal. Wait a lit\u00adtle and then ask him for what his deci\u00adsion is and whether he knows what he is doing. If he says, he does, then that is the end of this sto\u00adry. If not, ask him to be straight with him\u00adself and you and to make up his mind. Give him time or, if you can\u2019t wait, leave it right there. Your life isn\u2019t over yet and there are oth\u00ader men in this world.
\n<\/p>\n


\nHope this helps, even if it hurts
\n
\n\u2014 Daniel<\/p><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

Link to orig\u00adi\u00adnal post at wetellyou.ch<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Inshi\u00adrah hat am 3\/7\/2002 gefragt: Is Mikal the one? Daniel_heiniger hat am 3\/7\/2002 geant\u00adwortet Absolute\u00adly! No doubt! Inshi\u00adrah hat am 5\/7\/2002 gefragt: I like your answer, but what are bas\u00ading that answer on? Daniel_heiniger hat am 6\/7\/2002 geant\u00adwortet I don\u2019t know if \u2026<\/span> Con\u00adtin\u00adue reading \u2192<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"iawp_total_views":4,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,18],"tags":[29,27864],"class_list":["post-81","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationships","category-wetellyou","tag-beziehungsratschlage","tag-wetellyou"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=81"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=81"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=81"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heiniger-net.blog-net.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=81"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}